i didn’t get urinary tract infections.
i secretly blame him. SO much. even though at times it’s great. i still get them. chronic, unbearably.
i think i may tell him that we cannot have sex anymore for a while… if at all, but that is so hard to do.
ok that’s all because i haven’t felt like writing in a diary in so long. and i still don’t feel like it now. i’m exhausted with studying.
We got in a fight! I can’t wait to see who breaks first cuz I’m a stubbornmuufuckaa!
i have truly never felt like this. And the improvements that I’ve told him about… he’s actually making them happen. Honestly no one has ever loved me as completely or as hardly.
P.S. I’ll give the details later.
I’m starting to think I’ve never loved this hard.
ok so i guess i can say things have been going ok because i haven’t had anything pissy to tell you.
apparently strangers like ready pissy shit about other strangers because random people keep following me. thanks strangers.
anywho. i guess the shit that that’s been bugging me as of lately is the way he follows me round lika puppy. WHY? i don’t know. never had any man do that before— even if they were completely in head over heels-beyond-instantiation; still never did that. the other day at the mall with him i actually backed up dead on his feet behind me. stepped into him actually and was annoyed. i felt bad. but if he weren’t RIGHTHERE, invoiding (lol-invading+voiding) my direct space it wouldn’t have happened. Next week on Thanksgiving Vacation he meets my mom and sister and nieces and nephews. shall i add how REAL they actually are.
He better not act like a puppy dog then.
went through some tough things. picking my heart back up and putting it on a higher bookshelf this time. i’m in love. and there’s a good chance that can break me. but what if it doesn’t? what if everything’s turns out ok.
besides. if there were nothing worth fighting for it wouldn’t hurt to such great lengths now would it?
6 Rules of Talking and Listening (from Dr. Phil in Oprah’s Live Your Best Life book):
Some really great advice! Not just for couples, but you can use this with friends, coworkers, etc.
Rule #1 - Insist on Emotional Integrity = You must insist that everything you say, imply, or insinuate is accurate, and if your partner challenges you on those messages, you must step up and own them. Mean what you say and say what you mean. You don’t have to tell people everything you think or feel. But you do have to be accurate when you choose to disclose.
Rule #2 - Be a Two-Way, Not a One-Way Communicator = A one-way communicator talks but never listens and pays no attention to whether the listener appears to be “getting it”…If that’s how you communicate, all you know is what you’ve said and you haven’t got a clue about what the other person heard. Result: Conflict. As soon as a one-way communicator asks for feedback, look what happens:
She:” Here’s what I’d like you to do: A, B, C, and D. Does that sound okay to you?”
He: “Well, L, Q, R, and P don’t make a whole lot of sense to me.”
No wonder they’re not getting along! They aren’t even talking about the same thing! When she checks to make sure that he has received the message, she uncovers a communication glitch. By soliciting feedback—by giving just as much weight to what is heard as to what is said—you put a spotlight on the issues the two of you, together, need to clarify.Rule #3 - Establish a Motive = Whether you’re talking or listening, you need to be clear about why something’s being said. Motive and message are important…
Rule #4 - Check in with Each Other = You and your partner must agree to test each other’s messages and respond honestly. No more B.S.!! Ask your partner, “Is what you’re saying really the way you feel? Is that true?” Remember that when you ask the question you have to be ready to hear the true answer…Ask your partner the questions that will confirm his or her feelings.
Rule #5 - Be an Active Listener = Most people are passive listeners. If you intend to become an active listener, you’ll need to master two important tools. Reflecting a speaker’s content means that you listen to the person; then you give him or her feedback that makes it clear you’re receiving the factual message. But that’s not enough. Reflection of feeling tells your partner that not just that they’ve been heard, but that you have “plugged into” his/her life and experienced it in some way, which is essential to their satisfaction. Being able to reflect the feeling, not just the content, is essential to the success of your communication.
Rule #6 - Evaluate Your Filters = To be a good listener you have to know what your filters are. Maybe you’re coming into a given conversation with an agenda. Maybe you’re judging the speaker and don’t trust him/her at all. Maybe you’re angry. Any one of those psychological filters can dramatically distort what you hear. Filters cause you to decide things ahead of time. You may have prejudged your partner…No matter what he/she says, you’re going to distort it to conform to what you’re already thinking, feeling, believing. Take an inventory of your filters. If you’re not aware of them, you can defeat the best communicator in the world because you’ll distort the message, regardless of how well it was sent.
I really don’t care for Dr. Phil, but this is great advice.
i think we might be breaking up. i don’t know i’m still getting it together. stay tuned.
I agree with everything that is said here and have been in THIS exact situation so this is a no brainer reblog: thanks bblove for putting to words what i’ve felt in a few occasions. you’ll be ok; play raunchy music, go out a LOT, and exercise. xxooxx:
Let’s talk about how what I’m doing is fundamentally stupid. It’s not that it’s impossible, that it can’t be done, I’m just aware that it’s a tight rope to walk without falling off. Ex Sex. The sex was so good you don’t see why you have to give it up now that you’re broken up. As long as you stay emotionally uninvolved, you’re fine, right?
Except that one of you is a woman. By nature, sex is emotional for you.
I’m the one who brought up the Ex Sex; I used the “We can still be friends” angle and then a few days later threw out “Hey, what happened to breakup sex?” and invited him over. To make sure he knew it was casual, I even told him he didn’t have to stay the night, which he did anyway. Then I did it again the next week. And then I turned down both his booty calls on Friday and Sunday nights, I guess to prove I’m not at his beck and call. I’m so tough, right?
And yet after being with him last night, I felt a little sad. I felt bummed out that I wouldn’t be with him when he sold the house he’s building or has his first Muay Thai fight. I kept thinking about the person I want him to be and wish he was and kept having to remind myself that he isn’t that guy. And the sex is confusing because while it’s so awesome during, afterward he doesn’t cuddle with me. Which he never did even when he was your boyfriend! I remind myself. But something about it now feels cheap. It feels like he’s getting me too easily, without obligation. Casual, by definition, but I only made him miss me for such a very a short time …
“Who cares?” my guy friend pointed out, “Aren’t you using him as much as he’s using you?” True. But I think by nature women tend to feel used, even if it’s just a tiny bit, when they have sex with someone who isn’t in a commitment with them.
An example: My old roommate liked to think sex gave her power, so she took home every Porsche-driving doctor or hot bartender in Scottsdale. She always said she didn’t care about these guys — no strings ever attached. But once it became apparent that the Porsche-driving doctor had a fiancé, and he blew her off the next she ran into him, she was upset. I finally told her, “You think you’re just fucking these guys, but they’re always fucking you.” Girls’ emotions get in the way, inevitably.
It’s biological. Sex is how women connect. The flood of oxytocin we get after great sex bonds us to the person we’re with, the same way a mother bonds with her child or a child bonds with a puppy. In men, testosterone suppresses the same reaction, the chemical love.
F is about as testosterone-driven as they come, which makes for incredible sex but disappointing pillow talk. (I just said pillow talk, gross.) And I knew this going in, so why would I expect anything different? I suppose I just have to separate the sex from the past but not the person. Maybe I’m getting him out of my system; maybe we both weren’t ready to give each other up. Maybe I need to quit being such a freaking girl.
